Emotional Regulation Isn’t About Control — It’s About Care

Aug 4

Emotions can feel big and overwhelming, but they aren’t the enemy — they’re messengers. Even with that awareness, there are still days when feelings hit hard, fast, or seemingly out of nowhere. Emotional regulation isn’t about avoiding those moments. It’s about learning how to stay with yourself through them — with more skill, more gentleness, and less self-blame.

First, Let Go of the “Shoulds”

There’s a common trap: I’ve done the work — I shouldn’t feel like this anymore.
But therapy isn’t a magic shield against hard emotions. It’s a training ground. It gives you tools, but the practice happens in the real world — messy, unpredictable, and human. Emotional regulation doesn’t mean you never get overwhelmed. It means you recognize when you are, and know how to respond instead of react.

What Emotional Regulation Is (and What It’s Not)

Let’s be clear:

It’s not stuffing down your feelings.
It’s not pretending everything’s fine.
And it’s definitely not bypassing real pain with toxic positivity.

Emotional regulation is the ability to notice your emotional state, name it, tolerate it, and choose your next step with intention — instead of spiraling or shutting down. It's a practice of self-connection.

Strategies That Actually Help

You already have or will likely learned some of these in therapy — but they’re worth revisiting:

Name the emotion: “I’m feeling anxious” is more grounding than “I’m freaking out.” Naming it creates distance and helps engage your thinking brain.
Breathe: It sounds simple, but slow, conscious breaths send your nervous system the message: You’re safe.
Move your body: Emotions live in the body. A walk, a stretch, even shaking your hands out can help shift the energy.
Check the story: Ask, “What am I telling myself about this feeling?” Often, the narrative (“I can’t handle this” or “This always happens to me”) intensifies the emotion.
Create space, not solutions: You don’t need to fix everything. Sometimes, sitting with a feeling — without judgment — is the most regulating thing you can do.

You’re Not “Behind” If You Struggle

Even with all the tools, you might still find yourself overwhelmed sometimes. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re a human doing your best in real time. Emotional regulation isn’t a perfect performance — it’s a practice. One you return to again and again.

The work you’ve done in therapy laid the foundation. Emotional regulation is how you keep building — slowly, gently, and with more self-trust than ever before.