When Resentment Looks Like Burnout: A Therapist’s Honest Reflection
A glimpse into a therapist’s journal entry (because she’s human first)
I hesitate to share these things sometimes because I never know how a reader will interpret it. But for the new parent who is struggling to find a way to be a team again with their partner…for the one who doesn’t want to be in a crappy mood all the time and can’t seem to find a way out…for the one who is searching for an example to practice how to unpack layers of thoughts…
This one’s for you.
We often imagine that therapists always have it figured out—that they never struggle with the same emotional patterns we do. But being trained to help others doesn't exempt you from the everyday battles of resentment, guilt, and exhaustion. In fact, for many caregivers and parents, especially mothers, the mental load feels overwhelming—even when their partner is present and helpful.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." —Romans 12:2 (NIV)
This past weekend, I had to take control of my thoughts. This is how it went:
I had a meltdowns today and it seemed a little dramatic for what the situation was. I started to spiral and was begging my husband, Jeff, to get home faster. I went for a LONG walk in the heat and was bawling when I left the house. I tapped into my ‘healing questions.’
“Why am I so upset?”
“What did I not communicate that I needed to?”
“What is being pent up inside?”
I realized there’s a lot that in the moment, really doesn’t seem like something that’s huge and doesn’t need to be communicated. I’m annoyed that Jeff is going golfing and I have to be home with the kids even though I’m with them all the time. I feel like I can’t get mad for him having an outlet because he literally does everything for me when he’s home. Why am I so ungrateful?
I’m not ungrateful. I thank him every time he does any chore that I could have done myself. He knows I’m grateful. So why do I feel like he’s abandoning me when he takes care of himself?
I realize I get upset when he’s doing anything apart from us. Why?
Not every source of resentment is rational. Sometimes, your partner is doing something perfectly fine—taking a break, scheduling self-care, maintaining hobbies—and yet, deep inside, you feel abandoned. You wonder: Why do I feel guilty for needing the same thing? Why do I expect him to read my mind? Why can’t I just say what I need?
The tension comes from unspoken expectations. You may carry the invisible labor of parenting and housework, even when your partner helps. You might struggle with the guilt of needing rest, while simultaneously resenting your partner for claiming it unapologetically.
When you carry everything silently, it builds.
You begin to feel angry when your partner takes time for themselves—not because they’re doing something wrong, but because you haven’t yet claimed the same space. You’ve made yourself the last priority. And in time, that pressure shows up in irritability, exhaustion, and even shame.
“I’m mad at him for scheduling self-care… and I don’t.”
“No one is taking care of me.”
“I’m grateful, but still overwhelmed.”
“I don’t ask for help until I reach meltdown.”
I realized I literally felt mad at him because I am jealous that he is taking care of himself and I’m not.
What’s really underneath?
Control. Guilt. Fear. A deep, often invisible belief that your worth comes from doing it all.
But healing doesn’t begin with doing more. It starts with releasing the idea that you have to earn your rest. It begins with saying the hard thing out loud: “I’m struggling.” “I need help.” “I want to take care of myself too.”
Sometimes the most therapeutic moment isn’t in a worksheet or a coping skill—but in simply hearing someone say: Me too.
Questions for reflection:
Am I holding myself to a standard I don’t expect of anyone else?
Do I wait until I’m on the brink before asking for support?
Do I consider my needs as a mother and am I willing to voice what I need?
What would it look like to take responsibility for my own self-care—without guilt?
Who can I talk to about the emotional load I’m carrying?
Am I willing to schedule self care for myself even when I’m feeling fine?
If any of this resonates, consider setting up a session with a fellow mom who understands the pressures you’re feeling. Sometimes, it’s not about solving everything right away—it’s about finding space to be honest without judgment. You don't need to wait for a breaking point to start healing.
Nicoletta is passionate about working with trauma, maternal/perinatal seasons of life, grief/loss, relational issues, and other life transitions/adjustments. Effective communication is something she loves to partner alongside people in order to strengthen their relationships and/or healthy boundaries. She wants her clients to feel empowered and confident in their decisions and the ways that they go about them.
🧘♀️ More Self‑Care Resources from True North Vitality
Self Care vs. Selfishness – Explore what true self-care looks like, how it differs from cultural expectations, and why it's essential rather than indulgent
Active vs. Passive Self‑Care – Learn why both restful and intentional acts nourish emotional, physical, and spiritual health
Why Do I Feel Burnt Out? How to Get Real Rest? – Discover how spiritual fatigue shows up and why conventional rest sometimes falls short
How to Achieve a Healthy Work‑Life Balance – Strategies for setting boundaries, choosing rest, and avoiding burnout in work and caregiving roles
